Dear Annie: Extended Family Is Too Close for Comfort

Dear Annie: Extended Family Is Too Close for Comfort

Dear Annie: I am currently married with no kids. I travel a lot for work and vacation. The issue is my wife's sister, her husband and their kids. Three years ago, my wife and I allowed them to move into our home because their living situation was not great. They shared a small apartment that was overrun with rats and cockroaches. We told them that they could stay until they were able to get back on their feet. This was only supposed to be six months to a year. Annie, it's been three years in counting with no end in sight.  

This is the father's third marriage, and he has seven kids in total. The children rule the roost and are not disciplined. I am no longer their fun-loving uncle. We butt heads about everything. I find myself on the edge of screaming at them daily. When I get home from work, the house is a complete mess. They eat all the food I buy, don't clean and do not pay rent. They are on easy street, and I am paying for it.

My wife and I had decided to finally give them a "hard" deadline to leave this past spring. My wife's sister lost her job just before this deadline. She was employed three weeks later -- while the husband has been employed this whole time -- but the "hard" deadline came and went. Worse yet, my wife is completely on their side. She doesn't want them to be forced out because then she would be abandoning "family." I am at my wits' end and don't know what to do. A co-worker suggested that when I'm home, I should be in nothing but my underwear to make the situation uncomfortable for them so they will leave. I feel like I am completely out of options and have been actually considering this or worse. Please, Annie, what should I do? -- Almost Au Naturel in Alabama

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Dear Almost Au Naturel: Your co-worker's suggestion gets points for creativity. Unfortunately, it is also passive, avoidant and immature. A direct confrontation would solve your problem quickly, but it sounds like you are willing to do anything to avoid that. 

The first step is to get on the same page as your wife. Explain to her that you are not abandoning the family -- and perhaps brainstorm some other ways in which you can support them -- but that you need to regain control of your home in order to preserve your well-being. Once you and your wife find your common ground, initiate the long-overdue conversation.