Newport Manners & Etiquette: Holiday Dilemmas
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert
Newport Manners & Etiquette: Holiday Dilemmas
What not to bring up at dinner with future in-laws
Q. We're having Christmas with the future in-laws whom we really don't know for the first time. We couldn't be more different if we tried. What should my wife and I keep our mouths zipped about? Anonymous, Exeter, RI
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTA. Politics, if you know they're a Donald Trump fan, and you aren't; the Red Socks, if they never miss a game and you could care less; weight loss, if they're ten pounds heavier than you; their frugality, if their present is a recycled cologne with the cellophane removed; your upcoming vacation in Cabo San Lucas or Antigua, if you know they've never been out of New England; any gender-related subject such as pointing out that you have more grandsons than they do; religion, if you know they're more religious than you are. Don't give unsolicited advice about how to prevent hair loss, staying fit, or loosing weight -- in other words, stay away from anything to do with body image. Including issues of fertility and asking whether a woman is pregnant. Or when she or he is "ever" getting married. And never give stock tips. Be mindful of the fact that the last thing you say to someone, may become a lasting impression. ~Didi
What not to say when you don't like a gift
Q. What to say to your friend whose taste in music goes to pop and you can't stand the CD that he gave you and he's pushing to know what you think of it? Do I lie? Or do I say, "We're not into pop, so we're recycling it to someone who is?" Connie, Providence
A. Hold your tongue. No matter how much you want to tell someone that you don't have the same taste in music, remember that it's a gift. The problem with that is that you don't want to encourage future gifts of pop CDs so stay cool. Say, "Oh, yeah, thanks so much we haven't had a chance to appreciate it." By sounding slightly nonchalant, the gifter picks up the hidden nuisance of your non-enthusiasium. Then gift the CD to someone whom you know is into pop, if there is not a gift receipt. ~Didi
What to say when you don't bring a present
Q. At a pre-Christmas party a good friend gave me a nicely wrapped present to put under our tree. I was caught off guard and didn't have a gift for her, even though we had exchanged gifts in the past. What do I do now? I have sixteen grandkids and their parents to buy and wrap presents for (and in some cases mail in time for Christmas) and I can't keep up with exchanging gifts with coworkers or friends any longer. What do I say? SE, Dover, MA
A. There are three options here: Be honest and tell them the truth with no apology. Lie saying you ordered them a book through Amazon, which everyone knows can take weeks to arrive, and they'll have it as soon as it is delivered to you. Express your appreciation and go home and order online a small, sweet basket of cookies from dancingdeer.com; then during the course of the coming year drop the hint that you're no longer going to be exchanging Christmas presents outside the family. ~Didi
When to send a thank-you note for a holiday party
A. A guest is never required to bring a gift to a party or send one post-party. You were invited because your host enjoys your company. However, if you don't bring a thoughtful token hostess gift, you would reciprocate with an email thank-you note pointing out your view of the highlights of their party (a person you met, the beautifully decorated house, the food, eggnog, etc.). At the very least: An evite invitation is reciprocated with an email expressing gratitude; a paper invitation, is acknowledged with a handwritten note; a verbal invitation by phone or in person is reciprocated with a phone call thanking the person for having invited them. ~Didi
What to give his boyfriend
Q. Since our forty-something son is bringing his same-sex partner to our Christmas dinner (of eighteen total), we wouldn't be surprised if they announced that they're getting married. That's what his sister thinks. As we're retired, we give only a small gift to everyone attending, such as a pair of socks. We give one check to his sister and her husband, because we know full well the financial constraints of pleasing young children at Christmas. What should we do about a gift for this unexpected guest? Anonymous, Worcester, MA
A. Best to keep it sweet. Brownies nicely wrapped in a bright red bow, or a loaf of pumpkin, or orange-cranberry, bread would be fitting for the season. Even if your son's partner brings you and your husband his own gifts, you are not required to give him anything personal such as an article of clothing. But fresh baked goods are a gift the two men can share as a couple at home. ~Didi
Didi Lorillard researches all matters of manners and etiquette at NewportManners. Ask her a question to be answered privately. The best questions of the week appear here and some are anonymous.
25 Last Minute Local Gifts in RI - 2015
Frog & Toad
795 Hope St., Providence, RI
Frog and Toad has locally sourced hand made creations by local artisans.
Frog and Toad is currently running a mug series featuring Rhode Island towns, some with little sayings and some with just a greeting.
All mugs go for $14.
Photo courtesy of Frog & Toad
Kreatelier
804 Hope St., Providence, RI
Kreatelier has great handmade gifts for your last minute shopping!
They carry Red Thread Belting belts which are handmade in Warwick, RI and feature a military buckle for easy sizing!
The belts come in various colors and go for $25 each.
Photo courtesy of Kreatelier
HomeStyle
229 Westminister St., Providence, RI
HomeStyle offers a selection of whiskey stones, wine preservers and even a beer chiller designer to keep your beverage crisp and refreshing after every sip!
Black Whiskey Stones cost $25.00
Photo courtesy of homestyleri.com
Simple Pleasures
6 Richmond Sq., Providence, RI
Simple Pleasures has been open since 1992 offers a variety of home, clothing, accessories, decorations and other products for you to enjoy.
Simple Pleasures carries cashmere scarves, Orla Kiely handbags and hand painted home goods as well plenty of skin care products.
Photo courtesy Simple Pleasures
Symposium Books
240 Westminster St., Providence, RI
Symposium Books is your one-stop shop for the bookworm or student in your family.
They carry books on virtually any topic from archeology and linguistics to graphic novels and mythology - guaranteeing you will find a last minute gift for whatever your friends and family are interested in.
Don't forget their do it yourself books teaching you how to cook new meals and do art projects, among other things.
Do It Yourself: 50 Projects by Designers and Artists is $30.
Photo courtesy of syposium books
Hollies on the Avenue
60 Maple Avenue, Barrington, RI
Hollies on the Avenue has great last minute gifts for the hostess in your family - sweet serving trays, barware and trendy Kiel James Patrick bracelets are among their wares for the holidays.
Photo: Melamine trays $25- $35
Photo courtesy of Hollies
Carmen and Ginger
65 Weybosset St., Providence, RI
If vintage fashion appeals to that special someone on your list look no further than Carmen and Ginger Vintage Goods in the Arcade.
Carmen and Ginger has goods from Etsy designers, discounted vintage designer clothing and stocking stuffer brooches and jewelry!
Photo: Carmen and Ginger stocking stuffers
Shoppe Pioneer
253 South Main St., Providence, RI
Forgot to get your teenage niece or friend's daughter something for the holidays?
Shoppe Pioneer has on-trend costume jewelry, sassy clutches and sweet scarves and apparel that are chic and age-appropriate.
Pictured is Bangle Love, selling for $18
Photo courtesy of Shoppe Pioneer website
Luca Boutique
193 Water St., Warren, RI
For the expecting mommy or for the little ones in your family, be sure to stop into Luca Boutique for sweet wooden toys, baby outfits and accessories, and even diaper bags.
Photo: Luca Boutique
Daisy Dig'ins
123 Maple Avenue, Barrington, RI
Open since 1977, Daisy Dig'ins Flowers and Gifts has custom arrangements you can bring as a hostess gift or centerpiece at your holiday gathering.
They also carry Rhode Island themed pillows, beautiful coaster sets, and nifty watches.
Queen of Hearts
222 Westminster St., Providence, RI
Queen of Hearts and Modern Love have all sorts of great gifting ideas for the procrastinating shopper.
Cookbooks, whimsical salt and pepper shakers and adorable flasks are sure to please the trendy ladies in your life. Not to mention these cool Owl Candles.
Owl Candles sell for $36
Time Capsule
537 Pontiac Avenue, Cranston RI
Someone in your family a collector of comics, toys, records, video games or other memorabilia? Time Capsule in Cranston (also one in Seekonk) is the place for you.
All comics in boxes are 50% off, records can be bought for as low as $3 and old video games and video game systems (Sega, Nintendo 64) can be bought in near perfect condition for a reasonable price.
Photo courtesy of Time Capsule
The Wooden Midshipman
146 Water St., Warren, RI
The Wooden Midshipman carries books and more: Woodfire Candle Company candles, leather coasters and awesome literature and accessories for the novice bartender at your family gathering!
Photo: The Twelve Bottle Bar by David and Lesley Jacobs Solmonson and leather coasters by Sweettrade
Zenabelle
573 Hope St., Bristol, RI
Zenabelle carries all natural bath and body products free of parabens, artificial colors, and phthalates.
Give someone you love a spa experience at home with Seaweed Bath Co.’s Wildly Natural Seaweed Powder Bath in Eucalyptus and Peppermint - great for soothing winter skin - and some all-natural exfoliating sea sponges!
Photo: Seaweed Bath Co. - $4.29
Photo courtesy of Zenabelle
Imagine Gift Store
5 Miller St., Warren, RI
Imagine Gift Store in Warren has Rhode Island themed gifts as well as these cool Lolita glasses with various designs on them.
Don't forget to check out their wide selection of handmade jewelry, scarves, and Yankee Candles.
Lolita Glasses go for $27.95. What kind of design do you want?
Wright's Gift Shop
84 Inman Road, Harrisville, RI
Get the foodie in your family some home-made fudge from Wright’s Gift Shop this holiday!
Choose from candy cane, creamy chocolate, chocolate walnut, heath bar crunch, peanut butter and more!
Or you could always get their choose-your-own sampler in case you’re not sure which your loved one will like most.
Photo: Candy Cane Fudge, $13.95/lb
Photo courtesy of Wright's Gift Shop
MUSE
279 Water St., Warren, Rhode Island
Muse prides itself on providing American-made handcrafted gifts - perfect for the last minute shopper looking to still find something meaningful to give.
Muse has sweet baby books toys and bibs, as well as jewelry from local and Etsy designers, and beautiful prints - (in case you have and art lover you still need to cross off your list).
Photo: Treasured print, $15
Photo courtesy of MUSE
Noon Designs
75 Weybosset Street, Providence, RI
Noon Designs carries holiday-specific wares like all-natural balsam and cranberry sugar cookie soaps as well their candle collection. Especially the December candle.
Noon Designs also has plenty of home goods, jewelry and simple but sensuous perfumes and lotions.
Photo courtesy of Noon Designs
Charming Treasures
178 Danielson Pike, Scituate, RI
Charming Treasures in Scituate carries pieces from Silver Spoon Jewelry and house accessories like a Vera Bradley Throw blanket.
The Vera Bradley throw blanket will cost you $49 and give you plenty of comfort.
Photo courtesy of Charming Treasures
RISD Works Museum Shop
20 North Main St., Providence, RI
RISD Works Museum Shop has unconventional gifts with stylish design in mind!
Get dad a cool magnetic bottle opener, cuff links that function as levels or a print of their favorite hotrod!
They also have great jewelry and stylish accessories for mom!
Photo: Magnetic Bottle Opener, $20
Photo courtesy of RISD
Only in RI
43 Long Wharf Mall, Newport, RI
Only in RI carries Rhode Island-specific gifts and foods!
From a Rhode Island inspired gift basket (complete with Del’s of course), how cool is that? to artisanal jewelry you’re sure to find something for everyone on your list.
You can't go wrong with the Rhode Island gift basket.
The gift basket goes for $175.00
What Cheer Records
180 Angell Street, Providence
Into records, antiques, comics and more? What Cheer Records is the perfect place for holiday shopping and a great chance to get someone a really cool gift.
Like a record player to play some of the records they are holding on to. Blast some tunes on Christmas.
BENRUS
39 Pike Street, Providence
BENRUS just recently opened a store in Providence. They sell rugged, military-inspired merchandise, including clothes, belts, watches and stylish backpacks.
Invest in a Bulldog backpack which is perfect for those who bring a lap top around for work as it is padded.
The Bulldog backpack sells for $30.
Art Jim Smoke Shop
1465 Atwood Avenue, Johnston
Cigars from Art Jim Smoke Shop in Johnston, maybe for the men in the family.
A good last minute gift.
Photo courtesy of Art Jim Smoke Shop
Sports & More
99 Main Street, East Greenwich
Any sports fan and memorabilia collector will love a gift from Sports & More.
Maybe this iconic photo of Muhammed Ali standing over Sonny Liston.
This picture can be bought for $100
Photo courtesy of Sports & More
