Newport Manners & Etiquette: Overnight Guests
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert
Newport Manners & Etiquette: Overnight Guests
Unwanted guests
Q. Every August a couple we've known since college - and that's a long time - arrive to spend the Labor Day weekend and occupy our guest room for two weeks. They are grateful guests; they are so appreciative that they spend the entire two weeks thanking us, as well as being very overly-considerate. In trying to "earn their keep" they bring fresh cut flowers and vegetables from our local farmers' market.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTIt's enough already, but we don't know how to break the tradition and say, "You can't come next summer." They constantly say things such as, "We'll have to do that again next year," or "Next summer we'll make dinner reservations at ______ (a popular restaurant) well ahead of time."
We want to say, "Please, don't come next summer," but we don't want to hurt their feelings or make them think they've done anything wrong. To put it bluntly, they're no fun and we don't want them inviting themselves a year in advance.
How can we be honest and nice at the same time? Any ideas about how to head them off at the pass? C.L., Martha's Vineyard, MA
A. As soon as your erstwhile guests mention staying with you again say, "Jean and Eddy, as much as we enjoy your company, we think we're just inviting family next year for Labor Day." Or, "We're hoping to invite friends who haven't visited us before to come next Labor Day." By saying you want to do something different shouldn't hurt an adult's feelings.
If they don't get the hint and ask if they can come for a different two weeks, say that you don't want to make a commitment so far in advance and that you will get back to them. That way you would be telling them "maybe" or "we'll take it under consideration." We all know that is a gentle way of saying "No."
Expectations as houseguests
Q. We've been invited for Labor Day weekend to what my boss calls his summer house. As houseguests, what is expected of us? The cost of flying there and back is prohibitive enough without having to buy a house present, which my wife seems to think we have to bring. What are the expectations - on both sides? G.W., Brooklyn, NY
A. The rich live differently from the rest of us. No doubt, your host has paid for many airplane trips to his summer house and is aware of the cost. Find out ahead of time what is expected of you in terms of what you should bring. Will you be going sailing, playing golf, tennis, cycling? Having boat shoes for the sailboat and all white attire for the tennis court may be mandatory requirements.
Your question about dress code and your attire should prompt your host to remind you to bring a blazer and tie to wear at a party they're hosting, or he might say, "don't forget to bring your clubs." My favorite is, "Bring old clothes for the clambake."
- We've even had a host ask us if there was anything we're allergic to or if we had any dietary needs.
The best you can do is to arrive on time and be a self-sustaining guest. It's annoying when a guest is needy for this or that and is never on time.
Arrive with a token gift - or send it ahead of time - such as a book on sailing, a cookbook, or another interest of your host. You needn't spend over a hundred dollars.
- Friends once arrived with the most memorable gift ever, homemade jam. We had a great aunt who always packed a loaf of her freshly baked organic bread in her suitcase.
When you arrive find out the drill for the day and the rest of your visit, and think of it as your itinerary.
- Then ask if there is anything you can do to help out; for instance if they are hosting a cookout and you'd like a turn at the grille.
- Guests who have stayed a week are known to have installed simple lighting in our garden, and another put shelves in the garage. It was a gift of their time and the expense was minimal. In other words, make yourself useful when you can.
Depending how long you're guesting it, make yourselves scarce once a day to simply take a walk or explore the local museum or library.
The morning of the day you leave ask what you should do about your bed linens and towels: take them off the bed and fold them leaving them at the foot of your bed or take them to the location of the washer and dryer.
- If there is a staff member assigned to the task, ask if you should leave a small tip, especially if someone has gone out of their way to iron your trousers or bring you Advil or a hairdryer.
Once home, reflect on the highlights of your adventure and remind your host in your thank-you note that you really had a great time.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
25 Free (or Almost Free) Things to do in New England Before Summer Ends
Newport, RI
The Cliff Walk is one of Newport’s most famous attractions is its gilded age mansions lining the coast. Entry to the mansions will cost a fee, but with the Cliff Walk, you can enjoy views of the mansions with amazing views of the water all for free.
The 3.5 mile long path runs behind the mansions on the eastern shore of Newport. It is a National Recreation Trail – the first in New England! The majority of the walk is easy, but be sure to wear good shoes; the sand can make the path slippery.
PHOTO: Connie Ma/flickr
The Freedom Trail
Boston, MA
The Freedom Trail is a two and a half mile walking tour that connects 16 significant Boston landmarks.
Interior access to the Freedom Trail's sites is also free, except for the Paul Revere House, the Old South Meeting House and the Old State House.
The Freedom Trail is a great way to get exercise, explore Boston and learn about history, all at the same time.
If you buy tickets online they are discounted at $12 for adults, $10 for students and $6.50 for kids ages 6-12.
Photo: Wikipedia
Waterbury, Vermont
Take a 30 minute tour of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream factory in Vermont and see where your favorite flavors of ice cream are made. It is just about ice cream season after all.
The factory is open year round and admission is just $4 for adults, $3 for seniors and kids 12 and under are FREE.
Explore the Site of Paul Revere's Midnight Ride
Boston, Massachusetts
Old North Church, located on Salem Street, is Boston's oldest surviving church, and it's also the place where Paul Revere gave the signal that the "British were coming," on April 18,1775.
Once he gave the signal, two lanterns were raised high, meaning that they were coming by sea to Lexington and Concord, not land.
This event began the American Revolution.
U.S. Navy Submarine Force Museum and USS Nautilus
Groten, Connecticut
See a replica of the world's firs submarine and learn about it through films before heading about the USS Nautilus for a free audio tour.
Nautilus was the first nuclear powered submarine and the first vessel to travel 20,000 leagues under the sea. The ship is now open to the public year round and is free.
PHOTO: Facebook
Providence, RI
Providence WaterFire has grown to be an iconic Rhode Island event. Starting out in 1994 to celebrate the 10th anniversary of First Night Providence, it has grown to run continuously, once a month, from May-November and boasts over 80 blazing fires in the middle of the Providence River.
WaterFire is a not-for-profit organization that aims to creatively transform Providence – and they do! Each event is accompanied with music by artists from around the world, varies food stands and art stands to browse as you stroll along the river.
Worcester, MA
Worcester’s Canal District is home to eleven buildings that originate from the early 1800s. Preservation Worcester wants you to enjoy the history available to you, for free! They offer a Canal District Walking Tour, By the Canal, to expose you to the stories of the people and historical events that created Worcester. You can pick up a free tour brochure at the Preservation Worcester office on Cedar Street, download a printable version of the tour and tour map, or download audio files to phone to do an audio tour.
Runs from Worcester to Providence
The idea behind the Blackstone River Bikeway was to create a bike path running 48 miles, from Worcester to Providence along the National Heritage Corridor. It links the Blackstone River and the Blackstone Canal and will eventually connect with the East Bay Bike Path in Rhode Island. The path isn’t completed yet, but riders can enjoy the segment that is, free of charge.
Shelburne, Vermont
Who doesn't love Teddy Bears? Assuming that you do, plan a trip to Vermont and take a tour of the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory and see how the bears are made.
Tours run seven days a week and children under 12 are FREE. The tours take about an hour and 15 minutes.
Providence, RI
Rhode Island’s own version of Boston’s Freedom Trail, follow the painted green line for the Independence Trail. The 2.5 mile tour of historic Providence “takes you over four centuries of history, architecture, culture, and folklore.”
Don’t worry about where to begin, the route is circular so you can start anywhere! Along the painted green trail on the sidewalks you’ll find red emblems with a phone number and a location number.
PHOTO: Indepencetrail.businesscatalyst.com
Harvard, Massachusetts
The Fruitlands Museum offers four galleries of New England history set on 200 acres of land with 2.5 miles of walking trails woven into it for folks to enjoy the scenery.
Admission to the museum is $5
Take A Ferry and Explore Casco Bay Islands
The Casco Bay Islands are sometimes called The Calendar Islands as it is said you could explore a different island each day of the year.
For a one-of-a-kind adventure, the Maine Island Trail Association (MITA) has mapped a route from the New Hampshire border to Machias Bay and their handy guide offers details on places to explore and wildlife to watch for along the islands of Casco Bay.
Tickets are just $12.
Mugar Omni Theater/ Charles Hayden Planetarium at Boston Museum of Science
1 Science Park, Boston Ma
Check out the super cool Boston Museum of Science and their brand new lightning exhibit.
Your guaranteed to be in the museum al day and likely never get bored.
Admission prices are as follows for adults (12+) :
Mugar Omni Theater - $10
Charles Hayden Planetarium - $10
People have been drawn to the rugged coast of Maine throughout history. Awed by its beauty and diversity, early 20th-century visionaries donated the land that became Acadia National Park.
The park is home to many plants and animals, and the tallest mountain on the U.S. Atlantic coast.
Visit Acadia and hike granite peaks, bike historic carriage roads, or relax and enjoy the scenery.
The park entrance fee is FREE from August 25th to the 28th.
Besides that, admission is $12 while those 15 and under are FREE of charge
Anheuser-Busch Brewery and the Clydesdale Hamlet
Merrimack, New Hampshire
The Budweiser Clydesdales are the most recognizable mascots in the beverage industry and a visit to the Clydesdale Hamlet at the Anheuser-Bush Brewery will get you a free meeting with them.
For this 21 and over, you can take a tour of the brewery and see it result in free beer at the end.
If you have kids who are not 21, they can visit the horses who are there year round. They will get a huge kick out of it.
PHOTO: Billy Zoom/flickr
Boston, MA
The Mass Central Rail Trail is 104 miles of trail from Boston to Northampton. The trail runs along the old railroad tracks that were destroyed in a 1938 hurricane, hence its name. At this point, the entire run has not been opened to the public and is still underway, but there are still plenty of miles of bike-path to enjoy on a beautiful day!
Runs from Providence RI to Bristol RI
If you’re looking for a dose of natural beauty and healthy activity, try going for a spin on the East Bay Bike Path. The first bike facility to be under the State, it is a 13.8 mile trail that connects 8 different parks from Providence to Bristol. Do the whole thing or just a stretch and cross over bridges and by coves on the Narragansett Bay shore. The bike path is open year round.
Photo: Michael St Jean/Flickr
Eartha at DeLorme Mapping Company
Yarmouth, Maine
Eartha is the worlds largest rotating globe taking up three stories and is entirely computer controlled and rotates.
It is about as life-size a replica of the earth as you will find anywhere.
PHOTO: DeLorme Map Company
Hyannis, Massachusetts
See how potato chips are made during a free tour of the Cape Cod Potato Chip Factory.
Upon conclusion of the tour, you will even get a free sample of Cape Cod Potato Chips.
PHOTO: Flickr
The Haffenreffer Museum at Brown
Providence, Rhode Island
The Haffenreffer Museum of Anthropology is Brown University’s teaching museum. It aims to inspire creative and critical thinking about culture by "fostering interdisciplinary understanding of the material world."
Admission is FREE.
Boston, Massachusetts
Since 1983, the Boston Fire Museum has operated in the old fire house on Congress street showing off the history of the Boston Fire Department. The Museum shows off antique fire equipment, fire alarm displays, photo displays and artifacts.
Admission to the Museum is FREE.
Newport, Rhode Island
The Naval War College Museum in Newport is one of fifteen official museums operated by the United States Navy, under the direction of the Naval History & Heritage Command and in co-operation with the Naval War College.
Admission is FREE.
Photo courtesy of Naval War College
Sutton, MA
Take a hike at Purgatory Chasm and see the unique landmark that formed naturally approximately 14,000 years ago. Theory has it that the chasm was formed near the end of the last Ice Age with the sudden release of glacial meltwater that had been dammed up. Pretty neat! The chasm is ¼ mile long and runs between giant granite rock, sometimes standing at 70 feet high! You do have to pay to park ($5 MA residents, $6 for out-of-staters), but exploring the reservation is completely free.
Photo: MHarvey/Flickr
Royalston, MA
If you want a little bit of an outdoor adventure, hike to Royalston Falls in Royalston, MA. The hike itself isn’t too long, but it can be challenging. It leads you to a remote gorge created by prehistoric glacial meltwater and 45 foot plunging waterfall within a half-hidden ravine. If you’re up for the adventure, the destination is far worth the trek.
Tour Sam Adams Brewery
Boston, Massachusetts
Take a FREE tour of Sam Adams Brewery and see where some of the best beer is made. Learn about the history of Sam Adams beer, how it's made, experience the entire craft brew process and of course try some samples.
The tour departs every 45 minutes and lasts about an hour.
Photo courtesy of Sam Adams Brewery
