You’ve Got a Friend: 7 Tips for Helping Complex Learners Make and Keep Friends
Anna Johnson, The Wolf School
You’ve Got a Friend: 7 Tips for Helping Complex Learners Make and Keep Friends
When children struggle with making friends, it may be connected to their learning and attention issues. Difficulties with listening and interpreting social cues make conversation problematic. Complex Learners have trouble understanding the rules of games and the concepts of sharing, accepting other viewpoints, taking turns and following directions. Problems with regulating emotions, understanding body language and interpreting tone of voice can create situations where children overreact because they misinterpret humor or sarcasm.
For children who don’t feel like they fit in at school or at outside activities, there can be negative effects. They can loose confidence and not want to try new things. It can damage self-esteem, and emotions like sadness, anger and hopelessness can occur regularly and feel overwhelming.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTThe good news is there are ways to help. Parents and teachers can provide supports and strategies for successful social interactions and many of the skills we take for granted when making friends can be taught. Here are some ideas:
1) Find a good social match. Ask teachers about students who might have similar interests or who are more accepting. Watch for kind and caring kids on the playground or in the neighborhood. Sometimes Complex Learners do not mature as quickly as their peers, so someone who is a year or two younger might be a good social match.
2) Structure play dates & hanging out. Set a short amount of time when you bring new kids together – an hour and a half to two hours should be fine. Plan a beginning, middle and end so kids understand the flow of their time together and go over this with your child (e.g., first you’ll play a board game, then have snack, then you can choose between drawing or making things with clay). Depending on the age of the kids, you may want to have the other child’s parent there for all or part of the first get-together.
4) Level the playing field. Avoid activities that one child excels in and another does not. Remove the element of competition as much as possible. If there are particular toys or things that are especially hard for your child to share, put them away temporarily.
5) Review the ground rules. Are there areas of the house that are off-limits? What behaviors are expected (e.g., using good manners, sharing) and what behaviors are not okay (e.g., ignoring your guest)? Go over these things ahead of time so your child understands expectations.
6) Anticipate hiccups. Things don’t always go as planned. Talk to your child about being flexible and have a plan B in case something doesn’t work out. Encourage your child to think of strategies to use if he/she gets angry or frustrated, like taking a five-minute quiet break. If things start to get difficult, have a few activities kids could choose from and do independently while still hanging out together.
7) Practice. You can role-play with your child or read them stories about friendship to reinforce concepts like perspective taking. This could be as simple of asking a guest what they want to do, or making sure there is give and take in conversation. Creating a Friendship File can also help spark conversation and social interaction. Developed by Michelle Garcia Winner, this is a tool for gathering and remembering information about friends. It can be a mental or written list, or it can be made with pictures and include interests, things to talk about, favorite singer or TV show, number of siblings, pets, and anything else that helps your child get to know their friend.
Friends are important. They give us a sense of acceptance and belonging. But for Complex Learners, the experience of making friends is a little like Buzz Lightyear’s from the Disney/Pixar movie Toy Story. Buzz lands in a situation where he doesn’t understand the social rules of being a toy. This creates a host of complexities with another toy, Woody, that ultimately get resolved when they’re both on the same page and working together. Like Buzz and Woody show us, friendship takes some work, but ultimately it’s worth it.
This series is a content partnership between The Wolf School and GoLocal.
Depression Among High School Students: How Does Your Community Compare?
#56 Block Island School
Location: New Shoreham
Number of Students: NA
Number of Student Respondents: 30
% Who Have Been Depressed: 16.7
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: NA
% Who Attempted Suicide: NA
#55 Cranston Construction Career Academy
Location: Cranston
Number of Students: 158
Number of Student Respondents: 124
% Who Have Been Depressed: 19.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 8.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 0.0
#54 Sheila Skip Nowell Leadership Academy (II)
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 81
Number of Student Respondents: 15
% Who Have Been Depressed: 20.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: NA
% Who Attempted Suicide: NA
#53 Exeter/West Greenwich
Location: Exeter and West Greenwich
Number of Students: 540
Number of Student Respondents: 438
% Who Have Been Depressed: 20.1
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 9.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.8
#52 North Smithfield High School
Location: North Smithfield
Number of Students: 519
Number of Student Respondents: 431
% Who Have Been Depressed: 21.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 7.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 2.3
#51 South Kingstown High School
Location: South Kingstown
Number of Students: 1,073
Number of Student Respondents: 685
% Who Have Been Depressed: 22.3
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.8
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.7
#50 Portsmouth High School
Location: Portsmouth
Number of Students: 960
Number of Student Respondents: 777
% Who Have Been Depressed: 22.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.0
#49 Chariho Regional High School
Location: Charlestown
Number of Students: 1,201
Number of Student Respondents: 955
% Who Have Been Depressed: 23.7
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.8
#48 Narragansett High School
Location: Narragansett
Number of Students: 429
Number of Student Respondents: 349
% Who Have Been Depressed: 23.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.3
#47 Mount Pleasant High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 898
Number of Student Respondents: 656
% Who Have Been Depressed: 23.9
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 8.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.5
#46 Barrington High School
Location: Barrington
Number of Students: 1,027
Number of Student Respondents: 843
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 9.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 3.2
#45 Scituate High School
Location: Scituate
Number of Students: 469
Number of Student Respondents: 399
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.1
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 8.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.1
#44 William B. Cooley Senior High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 617
Number of Student Respondents: 376
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.2
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 6.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.8
#43 Ponaganset High School
Location: Foster and Glocester
Number of Students: 684
Number of Student Respondents: 541
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.2
#42 East Greenwich High School
Location: East Greenwich
Number of Students: 729
Number of Student Respondents: 675
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.6
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 9.7
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.8
#41 Lincoln Senior High School
Location: Lincoln
Number of Students: 1,005
Number of Student Respondents: 771
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.1
#40 Smithfield Senior High School
Location: Smithfield
Number of Students: 755
Number of Student Respondents: 499
% Who Have Been Depressed: 24.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 12.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.3
#39 North Kingstown Senior High School
Location: North Kingstown
Number of Students: 1,387
Number of Student Respondents: 979
% Who Have Been Depressed: 25.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.4
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.2
#38 Coventry High School
Location: Coventry
Number of Students: 1,607
Number of Student Respondents: 1,254
% Who Have Been Depressed: 25.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.1
#37 Paul Cuffee Charter School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: NA
Number of Student Respondents: 205
% Who Have Been Depressed: 25.9
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 13.2
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.4
#36 West Warwick Senior High School
Location: West Warwick
Number of Students: 935
Number of Student Respondents: 628
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.2
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 14.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.1
#35 Westerly High School
Location: Westerly
Number of Students: 917
Number of Student Respondents: 662
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.3
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.8
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.6
#34 Providence Career and Technical Academy
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 577
Number of Student Respondents: 424
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 5.5
% Who Attempted Suicide: 3.4
#33 Toll Gate High School
Location: Warwick
Number of Students: 958
Number of Student Respondents: 684
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.5
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.5
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.9
#32 Classical High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 1,119
Number of Student Respondents: 997
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.7
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 8.8
% Who Attempted Suicide: 2.6
#31 Cumberland High School
Location: Cumberland
Number of Students: 1,337
Number of Student Respondents: 1,039
% Who Have Been Depressed: 27.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 12.0
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.6
#30 E-Cubed Academy
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 349
Number of Student Respondents: 167
% Who Have Been Depressed: 28.1
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 12.5
% Who Attempted Suicide: 3.8
#29 Central Falls High School
Location: Central Falls
Number of Students: 727
Number of Student Respondents: 464
% Who Have Been Depressed: 28.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.0
#28 Burrillville High School
Location: Burrillville
Number of Students: 682
Number of Student Respondents: 555
% Who Have Been Depressed: 28.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 3.1
#27 Blackstone Charter Academy
Location: Pawtucket
Number of Students: 168
Number of Student Respondents: 146
% Who Have Been Depressed: 28.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.1
#26 Cranston High School West
Location: Cranston
Number of Students: 1,526
Number of Student Respondents: 1,242
% Who Have Been Depressed: 29.2
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 13.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.0
#25 Hope High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 894
Number of Student Respondents: 642
% Who Have Been Depressed: 29.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.3
% Who Attempted Suicide: 8.6
#24 Rogers High School
Location: Newport
Number of Students: 538
Number of Student Respondents: 390
% Who Have Been Depressed: 29.7
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 9.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.5
#23 William E. Tolman Senior High School
Location: Pawtucket
Number of Students: 1,034
Number of Student Respondents: 563
% Who Have Been Depressed: 30.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.7
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.9
#22 Shea Senior High School
Location: Pawtucket
Number of Students: 858
Number of Student Respondents: 593
% Who Have Been Depressed: 30.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.3
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.0
#21 Tiverton High School
Location: Tiverton
Number of Students: 541
Number of Student Respondents: 437
% Who Have Been Depressed: 30.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.8
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.7
#20 Central High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 1,112
Number of Student Respondents: 700
% Who Have Been Depressed: 30.6
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.3
#19 Mt. Hope High School
Location: Bristol
Number of Students: 990
Number of Student Respondents: 745
% Who Have Been Depressed: 31.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 13.8
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.9
#18 Dr. Jorge Alvarez High School
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 486
Number of Student Respondents: 327
% Who Have Been Depressed: 31.2
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 8.3
% Who Attempted Suicide: 4.9
#17 North Providence High School
Location: North Providence
Number of Students: 969
Number of Student Respondents: 769
% Who Have Been Depressed: 31.7
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 14.3
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.2
#16 Cranston High School East
Location: Cranston
Number of Students: 1,583
Number of Student Respondents: 1,317
% Who Have Been Depressed: 32.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 14.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.7
#15 Academy for Career Exploration
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 168
Number of Student Respondents: 97
% Who Have Been Depressed: 33.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 12.4
% Who Attempted Suicide: 1.0
#14 Middletown High School
Location: Middletown
Number of Students: 685
Number of Student Respondents: 514
% Who Have Been Depressed: 33.3
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 11.7
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.0
#13 Johnston Senior High School
Location: Johnston
Number of Students: 893
Number of Student Respondents: 659
% Who Have Been Depressed: 33.5
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 16.4
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.6
#12 Pilgrim High School
Location: Warwick
Number of Students: 991
Number of Student Respondents: 791
% Who Have Been Depressed: 33.5
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 16.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.8
#11 East Providence High School
Location: East Providence
Number of Students: 1,502
Number of Student Respondents: 1,181
% Who Have Been Depressed: 33.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 14.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.3
#10 Metropolitan Regional Career and Technical Center
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 838
Number of Student Respondents: 608
% Who Have Been Depressed: 34.4
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 15.4
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.4
#9 William M. Davies Career & Technical Center
Location: Lincoln
Number of Students: 849
Number of Student Respondents: 702
% Who Have Been Depressed: 34.5
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 17.6
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.0
#8 Warwick Veterans Memorial High School
Location: Warwick
Number of Students: 910
Number of Student Respondents: 629
% Who Have Been Depressed: 34.8
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 16.3
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.8
#7 The Greene School
Location: Exeter
Number of Students: 162
Number of Student Respondents: 138
% Who Have Been Depressed: 35.5
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 16.7
% Who Attempted Suicide: 7.2
#6 J.M. Walsh School
Location: Pawtucket
Number of Students: 192
Number of Student Respondents: 172
% Who Have Been Depressed: 36.6
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 17.4
% Who Attempted Suicide: 6.4
#5 Times2 Academy
Location: Providence
Number of Students: NA
Number of Student Respondents: 35
% Who Have Been Depressed: 37.1
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 17.1
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.7
#4 Woonsocket High School
Location: Woonsocket
Number of Students: 1,579
Number of Student Respondents: 1,026
% Who Have Been Depressed: 37.3
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 17.0
% Who Attempted Suicide: 9.3
#3 RI Nurses Institute
Location: Providence
Number of Students: 266
Number of Student Respondents: 193
% Who Have Been Depressed: 38.9
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 10.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 5.2
#2 Sheila Skip Nowell Leadership Academy (I)
Location: Central Falls
Number of Students: 73
Number of Student Respondents: 25
% Who Have Been Depressed: 40.0
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 12.0
% Who Attempted Suicide: 12.0
#1 Beacon Charter High School for the Arts
Location: Woonsocket
Number of Students: 227
Number of Student Respondents: 209
% Who Have Been Depressed: 41.1
Of those Who Have Been Depressed
% Who Considered Suicide: 27.9
% Who Attempted Suicide: 12.2
