Fear Due to COVID-19, Guest MINDSETTER™ Tom Kenney

Fear Due to COVID-19, Guest MINDSETTER™ Tom Kenney

I’ve spent the better part of my adult life in fear. Probably more than most people due to my profession. Not all the fear I’ve experienced over my life, however, had to do with my role as a firefighter. The minute I became a parent I began my life-long relationship with fear. Having a helpless young life in our charge 24/7 instilled in me a sense of fear as I’d never experienced prior to that moment. Before my daughter arrived I felt invincible – as do most 22-year-olds! After she was born I always had that gnawing fear in the back of my mind that I would not do everything right by her or not be able to protect her from every bad thing that might come her way. And that is a helpless feeling.

As time went by and she got bigger and more kids arrived, I began to block that fear further and further away from my consciousness. Never completely gone…but at a manageable distance. As a parent, I tried to keep my kids as close to me and home as possible. I felt that as long as they were near me I could protect them. But then my little girl became a teenager who had friends with cars and friends from outside our neighborhood. I couldn’t keep her close to me as much as I used to so the fear returned until I came to accept that she, and her sister and brother who followed, had their own lives to live where daddy couldn’t always be there to watch over them. Once again blocking it from my consciousness - but never completely gone! Maybe that’s why I continue to sleep with my phone by my bed to this day, even though they’re in their 30’s with families of their own.

During my career as a firefighter, I learned to deal with another type of fear entirely. Although this type of fear was more immediate and more personal, it was always something that I could control because I was taking action. As firefighters, we learn that bravery is not the absence of fear but rather the act of doing what needs to be done in spite of your fear. Knowing this and living by this code has served me well over the years. Keeping a cool level head when things are at its most dangerous and chaotic is a trait needed to be a good firefighter and especially a good fire officer. I considered myself both. I prided myself on not getting too excited at the scene of a fire, which could lead to bad decisions and bad outcomes.

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Then came retirement from the fire department. With retirement came the lifting of the burden of having to face those life and death decisions on a regular basis allowing me to push that fear into the furthest corner on my mind. My kids, step-kids, and grandchildren were all in safe environments and all were healthy so that contributed greatly to keeping irrational fear at bay.

Then came COVID-19.

The ferociousness of its spread and the randomness of its seriousness is enough to cause concern, and yes, even fear for many of us. My wife and I are older (sorry honey) with underlying conditions that place us at greater risk of this virus having a serious effect on our health. Although this is a fearful situation we are taking action in our fight to avoid this pandemic. We are practicing social distancing, almost complete quarantine and seemingly constant hand washing. We have whatever we need to be delivered to our house if possible as opposed to going out to get it. Taking control of what we are able to is what keeps the deadly grip of fear away when it comes to my wife and me and our home.

But then there are the kids and the grandkids again…out of daddy’s protective zone having to face this without me. Not having any control at all regarding their well-being is a helpless feeling which leads back to the fear forcing its way into my conscious thoughts once again. It keeps me awake at night. Mostly because there’s nothing I can do about it. Although it’s tougher to take any type of control over any situation outside the borders of my own house I do what I can by constantly being in contact with them to make sure they’re all right. It’s all I can do at the moment.

The point is we’re all living with fear right now to one degree or another. Try to take control of whatever you possibly can to help ease your feeling of helplessness. That could (and should) begin with staying at home as much as possible! Practice social distancing and wash your hands any time you feel you may have come in contact with anything you haven’t had control of for over 24 hours. And finally, keep in constant touch with those you love. You may be able to lend help or support and at the very least it will help reassure you that they are all right.

We can all begin to control our fears by feeling we have at least a little control over the situation! Remember it’s not the fear that will overwhelm you if you are busy taking whatever action you can to protect those you care about. It’s the feeling of helplessness that will keep you paralyzed from those fears if you allow it to take hold.

Tom Kenney is a retired Providence Fire Captain.