I Wish I Knew Him Better - Dr. Ed Iannuccilli

I Wish I Knew Him Better - Dr. Ed Iannuccilli

Years ago, I consulted on a hospital patient.  He was elderly and infirm, close to his journey’s end. During my initial evaluation, I sensed he was a kind, gentle person, refined, understated, comfortable in realizing and accepting his fate. I was in and out of his room every day for at least a week.

Each day, defaulting to the fast-track medical interview, I asked the typical questions. “How was the night, any pain today, any questions about your test results,” and then, after examining him, I told him what to expect for that day. That was it, but in retrospect, it was not enough, for me, for either of us. And I did not realize it at the time.

After his hospitalization, I did not see him as I was not his primary care physician. Weeks later, while I was enjoying my morning coffee, I noted his obituary.  I paused, put the cup down, and read it again, and again. “My goodness, I never really knew this man. How sad. What a gem of a person.”

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Sure, I asked his occupation, but his simple answer belied his professional and personal accomplishments in voluntary board work, philanthropy, special interests. I knew his medical history as it applied to his acute situation, but I did not know of his life’s history. In the obituary, I learned so much more.

I gazed out the window. What a remarkable life . . . businessperson, philanthropist, collector of fine, near priceless art that he donated to a local museum, and on it went . . . husband, father, grandfather, friend. I had been to the museum and had seen the art he donated, but never gave a thought to the donor, least of all a man briefly in my care. Sure, he was hospitalized during that time, but I should have appreciated more his eagerness to chat. I was in too much of a hurry to talk beyond his medical issues. How was your night? How are you this morning, etc.? I was captured and possessed, again, by time. Time is a capricious ruler.

I should have made the time because he would have enriched my life. Though I may have been limited in my ability to help him, he could have helped me, and, with that, we both would have felt much better.

How can one assume anything about anyone without first getting to know that person? What have you done to get to know anyone better?

Relationships need not be one-sided. Along with asking questions, share things about yourself. It’s OK. You won’t understand the other person who doesn’t get to know you.

Take a conscious moment to remind yourself of what you’re doing, and why. To whom you are speaking? Involve yourself, and make sure you’re asking questions that genuinely interest you.

People like to reveal information about themselves. By giving them a chance, you give yourself a chance. I promise; you will be better for it.

Dr. Ed Iannuccilli is the author of three popular memoirs, “Growing up Italian; Grandfather’s Fig Tree and Other Stories”, “What Ever Happened to Sunday Dinner” and “My Story Continues: From Neighborhood to Junior High.”  Learn more HERE.