Leaving the Kid at College — Dr. Ed Iannuccilli

It was many years ago when we left our firstborn at college. We took my parents along for emotional support, to prop us up when we left him and started our long journey home. But there was a twist. As my mother was wont to do, she had a bon mot that came out of nowhere, not that it surprised us I might add. But this one was a little different.

The four of us were teary when she blurted in the car on our way home, “He was such a good boy.”

“Was, Mom? Past tense? He did not pass on; he just went to college!” It was a delightful distraction as we laughed; the laughter sucking the tears back to their ducts. I understood what she meant. So much would change, and many of those changes were like a series of little grief reactions. No more little league pitches, no more fighting with his brother,  no more trips to his school, no more lots of stuff. Less chaos. A little melancholy.

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And this past weekend, we shared another exciting college drop-off adventure. This time the firstborn’s son, our grandson.

Diane and I took the trip to Boston to meet our family, here from the West Coast. After lunch, we headed to Boston College where we tucked into an expectant lineup of cars awaiting alongside the dorms, ready to move their freshmen into the dorms. We helped a bit, carrying the less formidable boxes, then watching as the parents settled him in, helping him navigate his new environment, helping his transition to independence. And then a bit of surprise for me. Nostalgia hit, not quite as hard as when I left our son, but solid enough as I suspected my son might share my experience of a generation ago. He was in my seat.

Drop-off weekend is exciting, but it ain’t so easy. Things will change. You want them to, but ambivalence creeps in. The tears are those of change. Most are of joy in appreciating the success of raising children who are motivated. But a significant percentage of those tears are of sadness, pride, of being thankful, and being pleased. It’s change and disruption. That’s the way it should be. And it’s good.

Bringing a child to college engenders a mix of emotions for parents and the student. And oh yes, the grandparents. But we blend our emotions with the experience of knowing that this is right, this is good and all will be fine. It is another plateau of the parenting journey; one you always wanted and now have. But, boy, blending pride with excitement on the day you leave your student at college isn’t easy as that touch of sadness creeps in; sadness that is normal.

Yes, we had a moment of pause. We appreciate that he is moving along on an enviable journey of learning and maturing as he starts this new chapter in his life on his own. Is moving. We’ll keep it in the present tense.

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