WTF? Providence 33rd Manliest City in America?

WTF? Providence 33rd Manliest City in America?

This ain't funny.

In a highly scientific report released today by COMBOS (yeah, the pretzel people), the 50 American largest cities were ranked in order of Manliness. The bad news: Providence came in 33rd. Worse? Behind Boston (those bow-tie-tugging, Newbury-street-strolling little girls came in two slots ahead of us). Worse? Orlando ranked ahead of us - how can the home of Epcot rank above the home of Vinnie Pazienza? WTF?

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Okay, bad-ass Baltimore was in the Top 5, but why Charlotte, NC is at the top of the manly stink-pile only points to the fact that the pretzels must be made there. We're just saying.

What'd Providence get judged on? According to the COMBOS PR machine, the 50 largest metropolitan areas in the US were judged on "manly categories" including number of home improvement stores, steak houses, pickup trucks, motorcycles, plus prevalence of "manly occupations" such as fire fighters, police officers, construction workers, and EMT personnel, all assessed per capita.  Science, right there.

Well no wonder. How about boxers? Criminals? Protein shake outlets? And where's the 50 bonus points for being within 30 minutes of Scarborough Beach? 

Slim consolation: we crushed Portland, Oregon. (Yeah, slim.)

Here's the whole list: get ready to put a fist through a wall. 

1. Charlotte, NC (up 1 spot)
2. Columbus, OH (up 5 spots)
3. Kansas City, MO (up 5 spots)
4. Nashville, TN (down 3 spots)
5. Baltimore, MD (up 32 spots)
6. Milwaukee, WI (up 11 spots)
7. Chicago, IL (up 39 spots)
8. Indianapolis, IN (up 1 spot)
9. Washington, D.C. (up 36 spots)
10. Philadelphia, PA (up 20 spots)
11. Denver, CO (down 6 spots)
12. St. Louis, MO (down 6 spots)
13. Columbia, SC (No Change)
14. Harrisburg, PA (up 12 spots)
15. Cleveland, OH (up 4 spots)
16. Orlando, FL (down 2 spots)
17. Salt Lake City, UT (down 1 spot)
18. Birmingham, AL (up 5 spots)
19. Detroit, MI (up 1 spot)
20. Cincinnati, OH (down 16 spots)
21. Richmond, VA (down 9 spots)
22. New Orleans, LA (up 5 spots)
23. Phoenix, AZ (down 1 spot)
24. Houston, TX (up 15 spots)
25. Oklahoma City, OK (down 22 spots)
26. Toledo, OH (down 16 spots)
27. Minneapolis, MN (down 9 spots)
28. Memphis, TN (down 17 spots)
29. Louisville, KY (up 2 spots)
30. Seattle, WA (up 10 spots)
31. Boston, MA (up 7 spots)
32. Atlanta, GA (No Change)
33. Providence, RI (No Change)
34. Dayton, OH (down 19 spots)
35. New York, NY (up 15 spots)
36. Jacksonville, FL (down 15 spots)
37. Pittsburgh, PA (down 8 spots)
38. Grand Rapids, MI (down 14 spots)
39. Dallas, TX (down 5 spots)
40. Rochester, NY (down 4 spots)
41. Las Vegas, NV (down 13 spots)
42. San Diego, CA (up 1 spot)
43. San Francisco, CA (up 5 spots)
44. Tampa, FL (down 19 spots)
45. Sacramento, CA (down 4 spots)
46. Buffalo, NY (down 11 spots)
47. Oakland, CA (down 3 spots)
48. Los Angeles, CA (up 1 spot)
49. Miami, FL (down 7 spots)
50. Portland, OR (down 3 spots)