Dear Annie: Helping With Bills Does Not Mean a Blank Check

Dear Annie: Helping With Bills Does Not Mean a Blank Check

Dear Annie: My mother-in-law has been diagnosed with cervical cancer back in our home country. My husband planned to pay all the expenses for her care, including treatments, hospital visits and food. His three older sisters live near his mom (one lives with his mom). He said his sisters are poorer than we are when comparing our hourly wages. I said the expenses should be divided by all the children -- or at least the richest sister, who owns a house and a tourist van. This has led to a major argument between my husband and me.

He said that I am being selfish and cruel and that if it were my parents with cancer, he would sell our house to help them.

The sisters said the package for treatment was about $4,600. Then they rounded it up to $5,000, plus four injections afterward for an add of $400.

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I told my husband to ask for proof of the receipts from all the bills. With the receipts, we would pay all the costs for mother-in-law's treatments and hospital visits. Without receipts, we would pay $4,800, which is more than the treatment package cost of $4,600.

My husband said he would never ask for the receipts, since they are his siblings. I reminded him a few times about asking for receipts while we were on FaceTime with his family. He didn't ask. Then he would tell me he forgot to ask.

I told him he could come back home to take care of his mom and pay by himself, but he wouldn't want to go because he is worried about our monthly mortgage and our two daughters (4 and 17 years old). I told him I'm able to take care of our monthly mortgage, bills and our children. We have been married for 19 years.

Am I overreacting or being selfish for wanting to know where our money is going to? -- Confused Wife in Oregon

 

Dear Confused Wife in Oregon: First off, I am sorry about your mother-in-law's diagnosis. That is hard for everyone involved, and your husband is kind to want to care for his mom. I think asking for receipts is a little petty, but if it will make you feel better about supporting his mom, then you can ask. But at the end of the day, I would look at your husband as a kind, generous and thoughtful son, which I'm sure translates into the type of husband and father he is. Consider yourself lucky to be with such a kind man.