Guest MINDSETTER™ John Tassoni Jr: The Silent Scream is Quiet No More

Guest MINDSETTER™ John Tassoni Jr: The Silent Scream is Quiet No More

Between 2001-2012, the number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq was 6,488. Given that staggering number, think about this one: the number of Americans, mostly women, who were murdered by their current or former male partners during that same time, was 11,766 – nearly double the amount of those lost in battle.

Relationship violence, also called domestic violence, is not a single act but usually a pattern of behavior to establish power and control over another person, through fear and intimidation, and is usually accompanied by the threat or use of physical violence.

Relationship violence is a war that is waged daily and takes a mighty toll yet, for many years, relationship violence was nothing more than a silent scream.

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According to the National Coalition on Domestic Violence, a woman is assaulted or beaten every nine seconds in the U.S., and nearly 20 people (men and women) a minute are physically abused by an intimate partner. This equals more than 10 million victims in a year. On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.

In the mid-1970s in Rhode Island, a group of Providence residents and Brown University students met to discuss women’s issues. Their focus became violence against women as they realized that there were no services for victims of domestic violence, and that public officials downplayed the issue.

That silent scream was finally heard.

The result of their discussions became the Sojourner House, a comprehensive agency that serves victims of relationship violence by providing shelter, advocacy, referrals, and other necessary resources to aid abuse victims and help them reclaim their lives.  

The name derives in part from Sojourner Truth, the 19th-century enslaved woman who later became an abolitionist, speaking on behalf of women and slaves as she traveled throughout the country. Additionally, the name welcomes victims and survivors to a place to "sojourn" as some go through the toughest times of their lives.
Now entering its 40th year of service of the community, Sojourner House has grown from a part-time, all-volunteer hotline to a provider of comprehensive services to victims of abuse available 24-hours a day, 7 days a week. It is still a pioneering organization, reaching out to a cross-section of communities, with programs and bilingual services for teen violence, HIV/AIDS prevention, elder abuse, and LGBTQ.

One of the main messages of Sojourner House is that no victim is to blame for any occurrence of domestic abuse or violence. It can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, or other socio-economic factors. Research has also found that children who witness abuse are more likely to become abusers or involved in abusive relationships.

It is important to note that domestic violence does not always occur as physical abuse. Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as extreme, and even life threatening, as physical violence.

The only pain a person should ever feel from a relationship gone bad is a broken heart, which is why I have been an advocate for victims of domestic violence and supported the cause for the 12 years that I served in the General Assembly. I never quite understood how a man could sustain a battering relationship and call himself a man.  That goes for female abusers, too.

So, instead of standing back and shaking my head, I decided to help the cause.  The Sojourner House is one of the more recent organizations that I have partnered with to help raise funds for these victims. These agencies are there to help victims of relationship violence and most importantly, to help them heal and move on to productive and self-sustaining lives.

It is easy to say to a victim that you should pack up and leave, but we all know that isn’t as easy to do.  

Below are places to call in and around the state to get help. If you, or someone you know, is in an abusive or violent relationship, let these trained professionals help you get your life back, so there will be no more silent screams.

Blackstone Valley Advocacy Center
(401) 723-3057

Domestic Violence Resource Center of South County
(401) 782-3995

Elizabeth Buffum Chase Center
(401) 738-9700

New Hope
(508) 226-4015

RI Coalition Against Violence
(401) 467-9940

Sojourner House
(401) 861-6191

Women’s Center of RI
(401) 861-2760

Women’s Resource Center of South County
(401) 846-5263

 

John J. Tassoni, Jr., is a business leader, radio host, social activist, recovery advocate, and former member of the Rhode Island State Senate.