I Know a Guy - Dr. Ed Iannuccilli

I Know a Guy - Dr. Ed Iannuccilli

Being able to receive well is just as important as giving. Too often, when I have helped someone, even to do something simple as offering to buy lunch, I hear oft-repeated responses; “You didn’t need to do that.” “What do I owe you?”  “Next time’s on me.”

“No, listen. My treat. Receiving well is just as important as giving.” Why can people not accept a gift graciously without feeling the need to even the playing field? Or give a gift with no strings attached.

Some years ago, I asked a relative about hiring someone to do work at our home. His immediate response, lip curled, sneering, thumb snapping over his shoulder, “Go see this guy. I did him a fayva twenty years ago, and he owes me one.”

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I pushed out and up from the table, stood firm, and uttered, “Twenty years! You mean to tell me that you have a tally sheet, and you cannot do someone a favor without asking for one in return?”

“C’mon, Kid, That’s the way it is. Ya gotta learn this stuff. Ya gotta know guys. And . . . don’t let him screw ya!” Eloquence was lacking in his murky, pessimistic mindset.

“What do I say when I meet him?”

“Ya know. Jes tell im I sent ya. That’s all ya need tuh do. He’ll rememba me.”

Here’s another I overheard. “We have been invited to Mary’s kid’s wedding. We need to give a gift. Check our records to see what they gave to our kid. We’ll do the same for theirs.”

If you’re not careful, you can easily go down the rabbit hole of, “Listen, I know a guy who knows a guy who shops at my uncle’s store and is a cousin of this other guy who . . .” Gad!

Imagine. Tit for tat. Tally for a tally. What has happened to giving and expecting nothing in return? With no strings attached. That’s what a gift is.

Aristotle said, “The essence of life is to serve others and do good.” Are we unselfish and caring or would we rather have something to gain from giving?

Yes, receiving well is good, but giving can be more fun. It makes you feel good. It connects you with the recipient. It can be contagious. Over the years, I have met many who appreciate and enjoy giving for the sake of giving, never expecting to be owed one. How nice. What a reward to see the impact of a gift. Faces light up. There is much to gain from gifting.

Yes, I know a guy. Rather, I know a lot of people who are just that, wholesome givers, who love to help, who are willing to give something . . . money, time, gifts.  How lucky I am to know them.

I have learned that most people are grateful when someone helps. There are ways to express that gratefulness without owing.

I am thinking that the guy is someone you don’t need to know.