Tom Finneran: From Tears to Laughter

Tom Finneran, GoLocalWorcester MINDSETTER™

Tom Finneran: From Tears to Laughter

It happened suddenly. One minute everything was all excitement and anticipation, the next minute there were rivers of tears and great misgiving.

It happened about three weeks ago, all over Massachusetts and all over America. And it will happen again and again and again, year after year after year. Sons and daughters left their mothers and fathers to start their freshman years at college, and, at parting, water faucets of tears flowed like little Niagaras.

It’s an emotional time for everyone. Even the coolest kids, even the ones with the most swagger or independence, feel the tug of loneliness and fear. Their greatest patrons and protectors - Mom and Dad - are no longer there under the same roof. Those kids, seventeen, eighteen, perhaps nineteen years old are thrust into a new world of strangers who are going through their own emotional upheavals.

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Teammates have been left behind. Special teachers and coaches too. Boyfriends and girlfriends are many, perhaps hundreds, of miles away. Neighborhood friends and best buddies are back in the old familiar and comfortable world and a new world of schedules and strangers closes in. Even bothersome little brothers and sisters are missed.

As bad as it is for the departing students, it’s worse, much worse for Mom and Dad. Their torment is the torment of all parents, the torment of worry and the torment of memory. The worries are universal and they are compounded by the distance from their babies, the worries about maturity, safety, judgment, emotional wellbeing, and even laundry. Finances too. Can little Johnny be relied on to get up, get dressed, be presentable and be prepared for that important 8:00 AM class without Mom or Dad there to rouse him from his hibernation sleep? Mothers and fathers see their roles as indispensable nags to make sure that their little Einsteins actually get out the door on time each morning. Now Mom and Dad are out of that equation. It’s not easy but they must accept it and get used to it.

And that’s the hardest part, the letting go. Their memories don’t allow them to see a reasonably well prepared young man or young woman taking another step upward on the ladder of life. Rather they see the baby they brought home from the hospital, the infant they nursed and whose diapers they changed. They see quite clearly the halting first steps, the spills and the falls, the all-night vigils over high fevers. They have haunting memories of broken bones and even broken young hearts and they were there for that child, their child, every step of the way. Now the world tells them that they must go, get out of the way, and let their baby go. It’s not easy and the tears that flow tell the story.

There’s an almost Biblical happy ending here, much like the Babylonian exile, for believe it or not little Johnny will be coming home, probably sooner than you think, and he’ll be bearing mountains of laundry. He very well be bearing a couple of new best friends who will invade your quiet life like marauding Huns, taking over the guest room, lounging on the sofas, and denuding the freezer and refrigerator within hours of their arrival. Their hours of sleep and departure will astound you for they have become, in a few short weeks, as nocturnal as owls; as have their old friends from high school who are also returning home for a few days of mid-semester break. They depart the house around midnight, perhaps returning by dawn’s early light, if they return at all. Parents will be told “don’t worry” and “I’ll be out with my friends.” Their social lives have become as top-secret as a CIA operation.

Good luck to you if they happen to return with a “special” friend – I.E. – a new boyfriend or girlfriend in tow. Be prepared with rules for the sleeping arrangements under your roof. It can be a very testing time, a time in which you start to yearn for Johnny to get back to his now not too distant campus and dormitory and leave you to your quieter life. Tears to laughter indeed. You’ll look at your spouse, catch each other’s eyes, and laugh. You’ll do the laundry with joy and you’ll make breakfast, lunch, and dinner for what seems to be a small but very hungry army. You will think that you could put Johnny up at the Four Seasons for less money than you’re paying to Alma Mater University and you’ll wonder why, for all that money, that he seems to be “on break” more than he is in class. Tears to laughter. Enjoy the ride.

This column is dedicated to a former colleague from Natick whose son is a freshman at college and to all the mothers and fathers who have let their babies go.

Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio.


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