Newport Manners & Etiquette: 21 Body Language Don'ts, Cyberaffairs + More

Newport Manners & Etiquette: 21 Body Language Don'ts, Cyberaffairs + More

Questions to Didi Lorillard this week at NewportManners were all over the place from cyberaffair chats and internet poaching to how to ace a job interview.

21 body language don'ts

Q.  My question is about the don'ts of body language on a job interview. Friends are always telling me to watch my body language, but I don't know what that means.  JC, Providence

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A.  Body language for business:

• Don't check for the time.
• Don't slouch, instead hold your shoulders back.
• Don't use dramatic gestures with your arms, such as pointing.
• Don't turn your body away from the interviewer.
• Don't cross your arms.
• Don't spread your knees.
• Don't fake a smile; your facial expression should be in sync with the tone of the conversation.
• Don't nod your head in agreement with everything that is said.
• Don't avoid eye contact.
• Don't try to maintain constant eye contact.
• Don't roll your eyes.
• Don't frown or scowl.
• Don't clench your fists.
• Don't glance at your cellphone; turn it off before the interview.
• Don't fidget, tap, scratch, pick at your nose, ears or nails or fiddle with your hair, clothing or jewelry.
• Don't forget to check the odor of your mouth and body before leaving home.
• Don't invade his or her space; keep at least two feet away at all times.
• Don't touch or have any body contact between the greeting handshake and the exiting handshake.
• Don't overstay your welcome, take the cue that the interview is over.
• Don't forget to thank the interviewer for their time.
• Don't neglect to send a thank-you note adding any pertinent info.

 

Internet poaching

Q.  Help, we suspect that our internet connection is being poached. The carrier says there is no problem, but for five to seven hours a day we do not get internet. Those times coincide with the schedules of our neighbors directly across the street. They say they have a different internet carrier and that they, too, have a problem getting access. Nevertheless, we notice that when their cars are not in their driveway, we do have internet connection. When they return and their cars are visible, we do not have access.

We want to continue being good neighbors, but our small family business is dependent upon our using the internet. What should we do?  NK, Peace Dale, RI

A.  Pilfering internet or utilities is against Federal law. Call your provider again. You may have to push your way right to the top by asking to speak to the manager. They should offer to do a thorough check on their end. If that doesn't restore full access, ask for a home visit. In the meantime, let your neighbors know that your internet carrier is working on the problem.

Worse comes to worst, your carrier will be forced to upgrade your router and assist you in setting up a new password.

Dirty talk

Q.  There is a happily married man amongst our friends who likes to talk about his penis at parties when his wife is out of earshot. We feel sorry for his wife, even though we assume that she must know that he resorts to talking about his private parts after a few drinks. Our question is that we want to know if she understands how bad it is without embarrassing her.  Names withheld

A.  Forget it. This is none of your business. Most people who talk dirty understand that dirty talk has the potential to repel and unsettle those around them. It is attention-grabbing. Sadly, in our society it is more acceptable to talk dirty than it is to share our personal preferences openly. 

People have gotten used to talking dirty in cyberspace and it effects their behavior in public. Chatting dirty online in cyberaffairs is quite common and those who engage a lot of their time in it eventually find it quite liberating to be able to talk dirty offline. No doubt his wife knows what's going on online. As long as he keeps his pants zipped, he may not be hurting anyone but himself.

 

Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette and NewportManners.