Newport Manners & Etiquette: Four Huge Tips for Holiday Partying
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert
Newport Manners & Etiquette: Four Huge Tips for Holiday Partying
Holiday party hostess gift
Q. Do you have to bring a present to the host when you attend a Christmas party? Are we expected to bring a wrapped gift? We're seeing that some people bring a gift, but not so many. Can I merely send a thank-you card from my partner and me? PT, Wilmington, DE
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTA. Keep to the spirit of the event. The next day send a holiday card adding a short hand-written note saying something such as this, "Dear Alice and Ted, We loved your party. Thank you for including us and introducing us to your many friends. Looking forward to seeing you both in the new year. By the way, we love your library and your wonderful book collection. The pheasant pâté was sublime. Again, thanks ever so much for sharing the joy of Christmas. Cheers, Charlie and Paul"
Gifts are not required when you attend a holiday party. However, a thank-you note is a must. Even if that thank-you note is scribbled on the back of a Christmas or New Year's card. Or is delivered as an email.
For those who have given you a hostess gift in the past, find small boxes of chocolates you can slip into your coat pocket to leave for the host; be sure to attach a tag with your name. Make it easy for your host: a small gift like that does not require an acknowledgment.
Regifting etiquette
Q. What's the etiquette on regifting? What else can you do with a gift you've received that you don't want, but regift it? I'm allergic to scented candles; I only read cookbooks and listen to classical music; I'm gluten-free and don't eat sugar; and I don't drink Three-Buck Chuck wine. Personally, I take great care in my gift giving and am a bit miffed when I'm stuck with a present I don't want. TP, Boston
A. Regifting or regiving is social recycling. Nothing wrong with that as long as the gift hasn't been used and is still in pristine condition with the original cellophane or other packaging intact. If the seal on that CD, Whitman chocolate sampler box, or jar of Roasted Garlic Onion Jam has been broken, the receiver will know it; and that you were not tempted to keep it for yourself. He may think, "If it wasn't good enough for the giver, maybe I don't want it either."
Think lightly of the Christmas gift exchanged by friends; it's a token of your affection or appreciation. Don't take the gift personally by being emotionally invested in whether or not it was the right or wrong perfect present for you.
When possible, include a gift receipt as a sign that you're not going to be offended if he exchanges your present, because here is the receipt.
Scrooge had a point
Q. Not one for office Christmas parties. As an accountant I don't see the point in wasting money when we should be giving employees higher salaries and better benefits. We have employees who cannot make it from paycheck to paycheck. Especially this time of year when they need money for their children. I would rather employees have the option of getting a check instead for the cost the company spends per guest. Keep in mind that attending the party may mean the employee has to pay a babysitter in order to stay late at work to please her boss. Boss says that would be too complicated. He says the Christmas party is good for morale. Well, what about the morale in the worker's home? JS, Warwick
A. Good idea about giving an option. Employees should not have to be bullied into attending a company holiday party at their own expense when they have to pay for child care in order to socialize with the boss. Especially if Christmas is not a part of their culture. On the other hand, administration may believe that a holiday party is good for the business. Too late this year, but planning ahead tailor the holiday party to those who really want to participate. Compensate those who opt for the cash. For some, keep in mind that the office party may be their only holiday celebration.
Setting holiday boundaries
Q. My ex-husband's wife, who is recently widowed, had been sharing holidays with her husband's grown children, their wives and families, including me and my husband, who also has children from his previous marriage.
My ex lived high on the hog. He left our grown children his business and provided properly for his widow. Since our children were young we've been celebrating the holidays as a big happy extended family. Nonetheless, now that my children's father is dead, and our kids have growing families of their own, we're wondering how to set holiday boundaries with the widow. My husband and I are trying to simplify; we're getting old and holidays are a lot of work as well as being expensive. Anonymous
A. Setting holiday boundaries for expanding multigenerational families is definitely a huge challenge. The good news is that you are all members of one big happy tribe. As you say, holidays are a lot of work. Focus on the youngest members of your growing family. Make them your priority. You can set boundaries for gift giving.
For instance, assign each guest (even the children) another guest to whom they bring a wrapped gift with a tag that only identifies the name of the person to whom it is for. Or make the children under eighteen the only recipients of presents.
Be patient. In time, your former husband's widow will enlarge her circle of friends and find her own path.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
25 Ways to Get Into the Holiday Spirit - 2016
Buy an Ugly Christmas Sweater
You are bound to be invited to an ugly Christmas sweater party at some point during the holiday season.
So be prepared for it and go buy yourself the ugliest Christmas sweater that you can find and wear it to the party.
Maybe you will win.
Dress Up Your Pet, Send it Around
Reindeer ears and a Santa outfits are always good, but this holiday season, step your game up.
Become a Facebook legend.
A Festivus for the Rest of Us
You must watch the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, it is one of the most famous episodes of the entire series.
Laughter is the best medicine, after all.
When you finish the episode, be sure to celebrate Festivus on December 23.
Happy Festivus!
PHOTO: Matt Keef/Flickr
Get Those Decorations up
Get those decorations up early this year and go all out, go to the extreme with the decorating.
Why not be the talk of the neighborhood?
Add to the holiday cheer.
PHOTO: Romeo Banias/Flickr
Sing Christmas Carols in Neighborhood
Get a group of friends or family members and go caroling in the neighborhood.
Or if that is not your thing, have a sing-along at someone's house, like a karaoke party.
Or just sing along to the radio in the car. Fine.
PHOTO: cindybrown33/Flickr
See a Christmas Carol at Trinity Rep
A Christmas Carol is arguably the most famous Christmas play there is and Trinity Rep puts on a great performance year in and year out.
Get into the holiday spirit by seeing this classic play.
Don't make us send the three ghosts to your home.
Try a New Holiday Cocktail
Branch out your holiday cocktails -- eggnog is fine, but have you tried a Blue Xmas Margarita or a Chocolate Martini?
For some cool new holiday cocktail ideas, click here.
PHOTO: Corner Perk Cafe/Flickr
Go to a Holiday Service
Don't wait until Christmas, get in the spirit of things ahead of the holidays.
The sights, the sounds, the music -- if it doesn't make you think about the true meaning of things, try again the following weekend!
PHOTO: Brook Ward/Flickr
You Must Watch Home Alone
While it may not be your traditional Christmas movie, it certainly brings home the holiday spirit.
Home Alone is an all-time classic that simply must be watched.
Enjoy!
Watch Holiday Classics on TV
Tis the time of year when some of the best movies are back on television, holiday movies.
Be sure to check our local listings for movies such as Miracle on 34th Street, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph and other timeless classics.
Then grab a big bowl of popcorn or any other favorite snack and enjoy.
Dress up as Santa
Grab an authentic looking Santa costume and dress up as jolly old Saint Nick for an entire day.
During that day, visit friends and relatives with young kids or even a local mall to find out what is on everyone's Christmas list.
PHOTO: Kelly Sue DeConnick/Flickr
Take a Day Off to Relieve the Stress
Don't wait until the weekend when the lines -- and traffic -- are long and tiring.
Take a personal day during the week if you can. Get some shopping and wrapping done.
And then relax.
PHOTo: Matilda Diamant/Flickr
Design Your Own Gifts, Don't Buy Them
Don't go to the crowded stores and buy gifts that are available any time of year, design your own gifts for friends and family members.
Maybe a cool photo collage or tickets for a service among other things.
Think of the stress you will save.
Find New Cookie Recipes
Cookies are big part of the holidays, whether you are leaving them for Santa or eating them yourself.
While it's perfectly fine to use your favorite cookie recipes, be sure to try some new recipes as well.
Need some ideas? Check out the links below
100 Best Holiday Cookie Recipes
PHOTO: Troy Tolley/Flickr
Go Ice Skating at the Newport Skating Center
The Newport Skating Center is open for another season and what's better than skating and seeing Newport at the time?
If that is not enough, go old fashioned and skate on a frozen pond.
Host a Gift Wrapping Competition With Friends
One of the most painful parts of the holidays is wrapping gifts, especially if there are a lot of them.
Invite some friends over and have a gift wrapping competition. Be sure to make some cookies and beverages while you are at it.
PHOTO: intellichick/Flickr
Visit Borrelli's Christmas Tree Farm
The Christmas season can't begin without a Christmas tree and Borrelli's has just the trees for you.
Start your Christmas tree shopping now and get into the holiday spirit.
PHOTO: Flickr
Call Long Lost Friends or Family Members
On the phone -- not a Facebook post, not a text. Let them hear your voice. Find a way to reconnect on a personal basis.
Find out how they're doing. Make plans to catch up in person. But whatever you do, remember, texting doesn't count!
Give Money to Salvation Army
Throw some money in the Salvation Army kettle. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. The person who stands outside ringing the bell is often there for long hours.
Even if it's just some change, smile at them and wish them a happy holiday.
PHOTO: j_lai/ Flickr
Shop Local at AC Jewelers
Stay away from those big national chains and go to the local stores like AC Jewelers and get what you need for the holidays.
Shop local this holiday season.
Secretly Pay it Forward
Standing in line at a local coffee shop waiting to order can be a long wait at times.
Make the day of the person behind you by paying for their coffee. It will put a huge smile on their face, and on your face as well.
But shhh don't tell them.
Give to Those in Need
From giving trees at churches to Big Brothers Big Sisters as well as many other great organizations, there are plenty of families in the community that could use your help to put a present or two under the tree for a child who might not otherwise get one.
See 50 Ways to Give This Holiday Season Here
Spend Time With an Elderly Relative
The actual day when the family is around can be hectic. Before then, go have a cup of tea, bring some cookies, and find out what holiday traditions they enjoyed.
Give the gift of time.
New Holiday Recipes
Try new holiday recipes for the meal.Traditional turkey, ham, stuffing, and sides are good, but why not try something fun?
Click here for some cool holiday recipes.
Or for an even more extensive list of ideas, click here.
Start Thinking About Your New Year's Resolutions
Don't wait until December 31 to promise you'll drink less and work out more.
Take stock of your life, figure out what's important to you, and what you want to accomplish in the New Year and start jotting stuff down.
