Fit for Life: I am Ready for the Challenge

Fit for Life: I am Ready for the Challenge

Thursday 6/30/2022 @ 7am, check-in for The Spartan Death Race opened. 

Depending on when you are reading this, I will have endured 24+ hours of brutal physical and mental torture and will be looking at a total of 50+ hours more before it’s over. 

How it transpired and why am I doing this?

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A little over a month ago a friend of mine text me saying he’s looking to assemble some crazies to join his team and participate in The Spartan Death Race. I was so honored that he considered me one of those people I accepted. 

I accepted however without understanding and knowing the caliber of what I was getting into. I made a rash decision without doing any research about what this “event” entailed. 

Before you read on, google it and get a grasp for yourself on what it is. 

About a week after registering, I received the mandatory gear list, so I went to REI with my girlfriend to purchase the required equipment. It was during our shopping spree on a Saturday that my little research aficionado started digging into what I was getting myself into. 

Broken bones, sleepless nights, parasite infections, being wet and cold, barbed wire, pushing people to their limits to encourage them to quit were just a few of the things she started reading to me. She made it clear that she is 100% against me doing this to myself. And to be honest, I started getting second thoughts. 

We left the store with gear and a little hostility between us. She expressed that she supports me in almost everything I do, but this was a different animal, and she was rightfully concerned for my physical well-being. I am grateful to have someone that cares for me on that level, but I have a thick skull, and the voice of reason doesn’t always sink in. 

I am about to put in words what was going through my head, and my thought process the following week. I am going to express my true feelings and emotions, and you will read about Matt Espeut’s honest, transparent, and vulnerable thought process leading up to the event.

The next day, (Sunday) I had a long (3.5 hour) mountain bike ride planned with a few buddies. She told me to think long and hard during this ride about what I am doing. Is this a good time? Is it worth the investment? Having experienced a brain injury in 2020, do I think it’s a good idea? Should I leave my team and business to do this?

Because I respect her thoughtfulness, I agreed, and during the first 2.5 hours of the ride, I felt great. Still thinking about all the repercussions of what could happen I was convinced I had what it takes to do the Death Race. 

Then hour 3 of the ride set in and so did the fatigue. My legs started cramping, and self-doubt encompassed my thoughts. Am I ready for this? Was this a stupid decision, should I back out? 

For the next few days, I struggled. I watched more videos on the race and sunk deeper into self-doubt and despair. I was losing sleep, and this was eating me up inside. I called my buddy that invited me and told him that I thought this was a bad idea and didn’t think I was ready. 

He was on vacation, so we planned a phone call a couple of days out. 

In my head, I was backing out on my word and commitment to myself, and that to me is a sign of weakness. A quitter mentality I thought to myself. I’m an imposter that tells everyone to push themselves and I am about to give up.

 

Was it my inner bitch and beast arguing or was it common sense and stupidity arguing? 

I started seeking outside advice from my network. 

I told one friend that I was doing it to test my mental toughness and he asked why? He told me if you need to keep proving how tough I am, you’re probably not that tough. That lit a fire of anger inside me. I felt like he dismissed my reason for pushing myself beyond my comfort zone, which is my way to personal growth, and having the ability to overcome everyday adversity. These things sharpen my emotional discipline and make me stronger as a person. 

When I called another friend, I was telling him I thought I wasn’t ready, and I had no business attempting something people train years for. I was disrespecting the caliber of the race and shouldn’t be doing it. Should I try something I most likely won’t finish? (90% of people don’t)

His response was “I hear you trying really hard to talk yourself out of this”. Then he said, “I know you, and if you back out, you will be living with regret for not even trying. You always train hard, you’re in shape, and are mentally strong. Worst case scenario, you don’t finish, you end up with some new cool gear, you get yourself in unbelievable shape, you may start training differently, and you will grow stronger regardless of the outcome.” 

That phone call changed my mindset. He was right. I would never live it down and would struggle for not even trying. 

The next day I spoke with the guy that invited me on his team, and he said something similar. I told him I am going to pick up my training this week and I will have a definite decision by the week's end. 

 

Then I went all in. 

I started training longer and harder. 3-4 workouts a day working on my endurance, carrying 50-100 pounds on my shoulders, running, crawling, and inflicting more pain on myself than ever before. 

I felt like a machine, a weapon, and I became as ready physically & mentally as I will ever be. 

I always work out hard, however, I took things to another level, and feel good about it. 

Mentally, I was thinking about a book I read, called “A man’s search for meaning”. About a concentration camp survivor, that endured years of suffering and torture by incorporating hope and strength into his every waking moment. I thought, if a human can survive that, why can’t I survive 3 days? 

I also thought about the heroes during 9/11, that endured months of struggle rescuing victims, and asked myself, if called upon to do something like that, would I be ready?  

I wanted to write this article to let you know that I have fears and insecurities just like everyone else. 

I have self-doubt, and my inner bitch tries to talk me into taking the easy way out. 

It’s easy for me to tell others to eliminate excuses, so I feel the need to hold my self-accountable and do the same.

There is never a good reason to make excuses for pushing yourself and trying to be better. I just take it to extremes.

I didn’t have time; I don’t have an expendable income and I have responsibilities just like everyone else.

I am also telling you this with the hope it will encourage you to step out of your comfort zone, because growth never occurs when we seek comfort and the path to least resistance. 

I challenge you to find something difficult to do. You don’t need to take it to extremes like I do. That’s just insane!!

It could be 30 days no alcohol, 30 days no bread or processed food, 30 days of never missing an outdoor walk or workout regardless of the weather or do a 12-week program at Providence Fit Body Boot Camp. 

Do anything that is harder than what you are doing now and I guarantee self-satisfaction.

In conclusion, I am not sure what the outcome will be or what’s going to happen to me. 

I could get cut for being too slow, or not meeting their expectations during the race. I could get sick or injured and need to pull out. Physically, I may not have what it takes to finish, despite training harder than ever. 

I spoke to a guy that completed the race years earlier, and his advice was don’t quit unless you feel like you will incur an injury that will keep you from providing for your self or your family. 

He said that the race is physically demanding, but mentally they will try to break you down. Just take everything they dish out and keep going.

Great advice that I will hold on to.

What I can tell you is that mentally I won’t quit. I will push myself to my limits and beyond. I know we humans have more in the tank than we think.  

 

I will do my best to be one of the few that finish this race. Mentally I prepared for the worst things that can happen, and I am ready for the challenge. 

Let’s hope this 54-year-old body can endure physically what I am mentally ready to go through.

Committed to your success,

Matt