Newport Manners & Etiquette: Six Toasting Etiquette Tips + More
Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert
Newport Manners & Etiquette: Six Toasting Etiquette Tips + More
Accidents happen
Q. At our holiday party an elegant elderly gentleman went to put his glass of red wine on our coffee table and something awful happened. The full glass of red wine tumbled and splashed on to our new beige Stark carpet. Being the distinguished gentleman that he is, he offered to pay for having the carpet cleaned. He said to please send him the bill or email him the amount and he'll send us a check. The cost of the cleaning is a couple of hundred dollars. The guest is many years retired living on a fixed income and we want to know the etiquette on handling the reimbursement? He won't believe how expensive cleaning the red wine stains out of our carpet actually was. JG, Wilton, CT.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTA. First off, serving red wine to people stationed on a new beige rug is risky business. Even if the red vino had splattered on ten-year-old light colored carpeting. You took the risk, you knew the consequences. Compromise. Email him to say that cleaning the rug cost you half of what you actually paid to have the stains removed. Or let it slide. If I were you, I would not send him the bill or ask him to pay a cent. If, as you say, he is a gentleman, he'll send you a small check or a glorious arraignment of flowers in return for your forgiveness.
What are you doing New Years Eve?
Q. What do you do when someone in conversation at a holiday party invites you and your boyfriend to come for dinner with she and her husband on New Year's Eve, but there was no follow up? I said, Yes, Yes, but I now realize she was trying to find out which of her friends were available. In planning her New Year's Eve dinner party she was feeling the waters to find out who might help her pull together an interesting evening. I realize this. Is it my job to follow up to ask what time should we arrive and what can we bring? Or do we make other plans? Annie, Brooklyn
A. Have a backup plan. It is the host's job to follow up with an email or phone call telling you what time to arrive. That will give you the opening to thank them for the invitation and to ask what you can contribute. If you are not assigned something to bring, such as a bottle of champagne, a six-pack of beer, a platter of cheese and crackers, or dessert, offer the host a couple of choices.
Tips for the best toasts
Q. In a nutshell, I need tips on giving a toast. As a guest at a New Year's Eve dinner party, how do I go about giving a toast? TB, Charleston, SC
A. Six top etiquette tips for toasting:
- Ahead of time practice what you wish to say. Even if it is as simple as "Let's all raise our glasses to our hosts Marjorie and William!" Practice what you plan to say ahead of time. Do not ever read a toast.
- The host usually gives the welcoming toast. If he or she hasn't made a toast by dessert, any guest can start the toasting by praising the hosts for such a delicious dinner.
- Rise to the occasion. When there are more than four guests at the table, stand with your glass in your hand and straighten out your arm toward the center of the table to ask your fellow guests to raise their glasses in toasting your hosts, Marjorie and William, for a splendid New Year's Eve.
- Clinking of the glasses usually is not done when there are more than six guests at the table because the logistics don't allow for clinking everyone's glass without walking around the table.
- Make the toast all about the host(s) and not about yourself. You can say, "It is an honor for me to toast our hosts ...." The exception would be if you didn't know most of the guests, only then would you say, "As William's oldest brother, George, I would like to thank William and Marjorie for having me to stay over New Year's and giving me the opportunity to meet all of you."
- The best toasts are short and to the point, and no more than two minutes long. They should never be maudlin, even if there was a recent death in the family. Find the right toast to make all the guests smile. You're not roasting the person, you're toasting him. It goes without saying that you would never embarrass your host with tales about how naughty and wild he was in his youth, or about his former sweethearts.
A few quick simple toasts:
- May the best of this year be the worst of next.
- May it be the best year yet for you, and everything you do may prosper.
- Let's drink to the maker of the feast, our friend and host. May his generous heart, like his good wine, only grow mellower with the years.
- May the roof above us never fall in, and may we friends gathered below never fall out. -an old Irish saying
- To the sun that warmed the vineyard, to the juice that turned to wine, to the host that cracked the bottle, and made it yours and mine.
Last-minute presents for children
Q. As the childless aunt and uncle invited to spend a family Christmas, we're not up on what to give the four young nieces and nephews. Can you help us with suggestions, please? AG, Boston
A. When in doubt give books. Books are the best gifts because if you know the ages of the children it is easy to find an age appropriate book for each child. Give a parent the receipt for the books so that the child can exchange the book for a different one, if he all ready has it. Having the new books on hand on Christmas day will give you the opportunity to read their new books to the younger children. On the other hand, email the parent for recommendations and suggestions -- for instance, a board book for a toddler, a beginner chapter book for a child learning to read, a young adult book, etc.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
25 Ways to Get Into the Holiday Spirit - 2016
Buy an Ugly Christmas Sweater
You are bound to be invited to an ugly Christmas sweater party at some point during the holiday season.
So be prepared for it and go buy yourself the ugliest Christmas sweater that you can find and wear it to the party.
Maybe you will win.
Dress Up Your Pet, Send it Around
Reindeer ears and a Santa outfits are always good, but this holiday season, step your game up.
Become a Facebook legend.
A Festivus for the Rest of Us
You must watch the Festivus episode of Seinfeld, it is one of the most famous episodes of the entire series.
Laughter is the best medicine, after all.
When you finish the episode, be sure to celebrate Festivus on December 23.
Happy Festivus!
PHOTO: Matt Keef/Flickr
Get Those Decorations up
Get those decorations up early this year and go all out, go to the extreme with the decorating.
Why not be the talk of the neighborhood?
Add to the holiday cheer.
PHOTO: Romeo Banias/Flickr
Sing Christmas Carols in Neighborhood
Get a group of friends or family members and go caroling in the neighborhood.
Or if that is not your thing, have a sing-along at someone's house, like a karaoke party.
Or just sing along to the radio in the car. Fine.
PHOTO: cindybrown33/Flickr
See a Christmas Carol at Trinity Rep
A Christmas Carol is arguably the most famous Christmas play there is and Trinity Rep puts on a great performance year in and year out.
Get into the holiday spirit by seeing this classic play.
Don't make us send the three ghosts to your home.
Try a New Holiday Cocktail
Branch out your holiday cocktails -- eggnog is fine, but have you tried a Blue Xmas Margarita or a Chocolate Martini?
For some cool new holiday cocktail ideas, click here.
PHOTO: Corner Perk Cafe/Flickr
Go to a Holiday Service
Don't wait until Christmas, get in the spirit of things ahead of the holidays.
The sights, the sounds, the music -- if it doesn't make you think about the true meaning of things, try again the following weekend!
PHOTO: Brook Ward/Flickr
You Must Watch Home Alone
While it may not be your traditional Christmas movie, it certainly brings home the holiday spirit.
Home Alone is an all-time classic that simply must be watched.
Enjoy!
Watch Holiday Classics on TV
Tis the time of year when some of the best movies are back on television, holiday movies.
Be sure to check our local listings for movies such as Miracle on 34th Street, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, Rudolph and other timeless classics.
Then grab a big bowl of popcorn or any other favorite snack and enjoy.
Dress up as Santa
Grab an authentic looking Santa costume and dress up as jolly old Saint Nick for an entire day.
During that day, visit friends and relatives with young kids or even a local mall to find out what is on everyone's Christmas list.
PHOTO: Kelly Sue DeConnick/Flickr
Take a Day Off to Relieve the Stress
Don't wait until the weekend when the lines -- and traffic -- are long and tiring.
Take a personal day during the week if you can. Get some shopping and wrapping done.
And then relax.
PHOTo: Matilda Diamant/Flickr
Design Your Own Gifts, Don't Buy Them
Don't go to the crowded stores and buy gifts that are available any time of year, design your own gifts for friends and family members.
Maybe a cool photo collage or tickets for a service among other things.
Think of the stress you will save.
Find New Cookie Recipes
Cookies are big part of the holidays, whether you are leaving them for Santa or eating them yourself.
While it's perfectly fine to use your favorite cookie recipes, be sure to try some new recipes as well.
Need some ideas? Check out the links below
100 Best Holiday Cookie Recipes
PHOTO: Troy Tolley/Flickr
Go Ice Skating at the Newport Skating Center
The Newport Skating Center is open for another season and what's better than skating and seeing Newport at the time?
If that is not enough, go old fashioned and skate on a frozen pond.
Host a Gift Wrapping Competition With Friends
One of the most painful parts of the holidays is wrapping gifts, especially if there are a lot of them.
Invite some friends over and have a gift wrapping competition. Be sure to make some cookies and beverages while you are at it.
PHOTO: intellichick/Flickr
Visit Borrelli's Christmas Tree Farm
The Christmas season can't begin without a Christmas tree and Borrelli's has just the trees for you.
Start your Christmas tree shopping now and get into the holiday spirit.
PHOTO: Flickr
Call Long Lost Friends or Family Members
On the phone -- not a Facebook post, not a text. Let them hear your voice. Find a way to reconnect on a personal basis.
Find out how they're doing. Make plans to catch up in person. But whatever you do, remember, texting doesn't count!
Give Money to Salvation Army
Throw some money in the Salvation Army kettle. Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. The person who stands outside ringing the bell is often there for long hours.
Even if it's just some change, smile at them and wish them a happy holiday.
PHOTO: j_lai/ Flickr
Shop Local at AC Jewelers
Stay away from those big national chains and go to the local stores like AC Jewelers and get what you need for the holidays.
Shop local this holiday season.
Secretly Pay it Forward
Standing in line at a local coffee shop waiting to order can be a long wait at times.
Make the day of the person behind you by paying for their coffee. It will put a huge smile on their face, and on your face as well.
But shhh don't tell them.
Give to Those in Need
From giving trees at churches to Big Brothers Big Sisters as well as many other great organizations, there are plenty of families in the community that could use your help to put a present or two under the tree for a child who might not otherwise get one.
See 50 Ways to Give This Holiday Season Here
Spend Time With an Elderly Relative
The actual day when the family is around can be hectic. Before then, go have a cup of tea, bring some cookies, and find out what holiday traditions they enjoyed.
Give the gift of time.
New Holiday Recipes
Try new holiday recipes for the meal.Traditional turkey, ham, stuffing, and sides are good, but why not try something fun?
Click here for some cool holiday recipes.
Or for an even more extensive list of ideas, click here.
Start Thinking About Your New Year's Resolutions
Don't wait until December 31 to promise you'll drink less and work out more.
Take stock of your life, figure out what's important to you, and what you want to accomplish in the New Year and start jotting stuff down.
